THE OFFENDED

Has anyone besides me noticed how easy it is to offend people these days? I mean really, we're almost to the point that no matter what you say or do offends someone. We live in a world where Black people are no longer Black, their Africans, but you can't mix up the real Africans with the African Americans, because now you've offended two groups. We have people here from every country in Latin America, and they all expect that we should know they’re not all Mexicans! I grew up in North Jersey, where we had Cubans, and Puerto Ricans, which makes me much better understand why my parents confused my Cuban friends with Puerto Ricans, after all both groups spoke Spanish. I don't know about you, but I have no idea how to tell the difference between a Mexican and Honduran, and frankly but for the fact that most people from Africa have some sort of accent and don't comb their hair, I wouldn't be able to tell them from African Americans either.



Tried telling a joke lately? Well if you haven't, don't, because there will surely be at least one person in the crowd who's going to be offended.  Last month we were out having dinner with friends when the conversation turned to mowing the lawn. One person said that she had to get home to mow her lawn by the weekend, to which I replied "you need to hire a Mexican". A week later, I get a call from one of the people at the table telling me how offended someone was by my statement. For the record, the guy who does my yard work is a Red Neck. Do you think anyone would have been offended had I said she needed to hire a Red Neck? Probably not, since the only people it's still ok to insult in America are white males. Ever hear a joke that starts out, there were 3 guys, one white, one Polish and one ___________? I know you're tempted, but don't you dare fill in that blank! If you do, be prepared for someone in the offended class to report you to the PC Police.



Like a good Cigar, or do you smoke or chew, how about a good stiff drink? Those in the Offended Class can't stand that you're smoking or drinking, after all if they can't have any fun, why should you? In places like NY, MD and CA people have actually filed lawsuits to keep their neighbors from smoking in their own apartments or condos. In NY, you can no longer smoke in a public park, and most states (yes even VA) have banned smoking in bars and restaurants with the exception in VA being that a smoking area can be designated. Here's a novel idea, if I spend the money to open a bar or restaurant, how about letting me and my patrons decide if we want to smoke or not. Do you suppose it ever occurred to the offended that if they don't like what we're doing, they can eat and drink someplace where people aren’t drinking or smoking.  Oh, and let’s not forget about profanity (that’s cursing for the uneducated).  The use of profanity in any setting will surely be banned at some point, after all, profanity goes naturally with smoking and drinking.



RECAP - These are things that you can no longer say or do without being ridiculed by the Offended!

·          Either learn the difference between a Mexican and other Spanish speaking folks, or just call them all Hispanics.

·         Remember, Black people are now Africans and the best way to tell them from regular Africans (those from African countries) is to listen for the accent as some African Americans don’t comb their hair either.

·         All jokes must have 3 generic people in them; no longer can you make a joke that identifies anyone by race or gender.

·         The above goes double if the joke has a Gay person in it.

·         No smoking or chewing within a mile of a non smoker.

·         No profanity within earshot of women, children or Christians, even if you are in your own car, home or office.

·         No female jokes.  This is especially true if the female is a race other than Caucasian.

·         Please never use the word Retard.  Yes, I know that we all grew up calling people Retards, but evidently that word is now on the banned list.

·         Finally, never use the following words that are so bad that we can only use the first letter of each.  They are: The N, F, B, S, R, H words.

 I'm, Just Sayin!!!